Portland Saturday Market (finally)

The months of January and February are very long and depressing for me. This is partly because of the weather and partly because they're the only two months when Portland's Saturday Market isn't open. I pretty much live at the market during the rest of the year. It isn't something I do once in a while; I'm there at some point every weekend. I just can't help it. It's my place. I love it.This was the market's opening weekend and it was actually sunny outside! I am high-fiving all of you in my mind right now.

Bennett was excited too.

"Mwah! Mwah! Grass! How I've missed you!"

Legwarmer love.

You didn't think we'd leave the football at home, did you?

Watching the jazz band sing old standards,
Louis Armstrong and Ella Fitzgerald. Love.

Watching the fire department do water drills.

Turns out it wasn't drills. They were actually rescuing a
drowning man. We didn't know this until we got home and
saw it on the news. The man survived, so another round of
high-fives is in order!

I had to save this picture for last. I just had to. You're gonna want to click on it and look closely. Real closely. And then you're going to want to give one last hearty high-five to my husband for not looking in the background before he took this photo, because I got a good laugh when I looked through the ol' camera.

Poopers.

Market, I love you. I've missed you. Don't go away again. Please. Ever. We need you in our lives every weekend, and we are glad to have you back with us, poop and all. 

*** CD Give-away (contest)! ***

On March 23rd, I will be giving away 10 copies of my brother's band's new EP "Make Noise" (on which I sing one song).

I know, I know. It's like Christmas in March. You are all just totally freaking out right now, aren't you? You're probably like, "What do I do first? Call my parents and tell them the news? Enter the contest right away? Spend some time thinking it over? Can I even handle the pain and agony if I lose? Can I even handle the sheer awesomeness if I win?" I know you're thinking all of these things right now, and that's okay. It's natural to be overcome with emotion when someone hands you news like I just handed out. But here's the thing: you need to calm down. In order to get one of the 10 copies, you kinda have to earn it, so you'll want to pay attention and learn how.

Contest Rules:

1. In order to enter the contest, you simply need to leave a comment. BUT. In order to win a CD, your comment needs to contain the details (whether in the form of a few sentences, a story, a poem or limerick) of your most memorable musical experience - a concert, your first cassette tape - whatever.

2. If your comment makes us (the judges - Cam, Dave and me) laugh, you win a CD.

3. If your comment makes us cry, you win a CD. (I should warn you now that crying over a comment is very far-fetched, so I wouldn't go that route unless you've got something incredibly tear-worthy).

4. If your comments makes us nostalgic and mushy about the past, you win a CD.

5. If there are less than 10 of you, your comment can basically be anything - because you win a CD.

You have 20 days to enter (contest closes on March 20th), and you can enter as many times as you want. Let's say you leave an awesome comment (maybe a true story about making out with one of the New Kids on the Block backstage after your very first concert), but then you're lying in bed, unable to sleep because you came up with an even better comment... hey, no worries! Just leave another comment.

We will select the winners on March 20th

and send out the CDs so that you receive them

on the day that the EP goes public (March 23rd). 

This post will be linked on the top sidebar of this blog if you decide to leave additional comments. Looking forward to hearing your most memorable musical moments!

How to cut a grapefruit (at least how I do it)

I mentioned in my green smoothie post that I eat a lot of grapefruit as a part of my goal to lose some of this pesky extra baby weight. After I wrote that, my blogger friend, Angela, confessed to me (it's hard for me to say this) that she actually has a GRAPEFRUIT TREE in her backyard and (gulp)... she doesn't eat them! I explained to her that not eating grapefruit from one's own grapefruit tree is like, well, not spending money from one's own money tree. She decided to give grapefruit a try (and as I mentioned in my post, grapefruit seems to be one of those fruits that people either love or hate) and asked the blogosphere what the best way is to cut a grapefruit. As I read her post, I was just sitting down to eat my own grapefruit, so I grabbed my brother and had him film the cutting of a grapefruit. (Never mind my fuzzy hair and pajama sweater... you should see me AFTER I eat the grapefruit; I pretty much look like a beautifully put together supermodel. I don't have footage of that, so you'll just have to take my word for it...)

I gobbled up my placenta, and the rest? Yeah, those aren't essential oils...

Nosy Houseguests: you're going to want to
read the label on those essential oils really
carefully, lest you douse your unsuspecting
body in the nectar of my... placenta.

A couple weeks ago, my friend (and fellow blogger, Melissa, who also writes for Mothers of Change) wrote several great posts about the placenta, specifically in regards to eating it. She suggested that I write about my experience with eating my placenta and so I decided I would do just that.

If you're already grossed out, there is probably very little I can say that will ease your suffering. I will say, however, that I didn't take a big gushy bloody bite out of the thing (if that's what you are picturing). Rather, I had my placenta encapsulated as well as put into a tincture. If you have been to my house and looked in my freezer, you would have seen an innocent-looking, non-gross glass jar of red tablets. That was my placenta, yo. Deal with it. If you have been in my bathroom, you would have seen a beautiful blue jar right next to the essential oils. That is also my placenta. Am I blowing your mind? Good. Minds are meant to be blown.

But rest assured that's as gross as this post is going to be.


See? Harmless. (Of course, for all I know, these capsules
are filled with pixie dust or something...)


I had no idea at the time I did it that eating a placenta was that big of a deal. I was aware of the many benefits of placenta consumption and I wanted mine in an edible form, should I end up needing it after Bennett's birth. It never occurred to me that some would consider this gross (though Cam considered it gross, he's so squeamish that I gave very little credence to his grossy-outedness) until I read the posts on the NPN Blog Carnival this week. The placenta was a big issue. It seemed like a lot of women felt like they should have eaten it, but just couldn't because of the gross factor. I'm glad I never gave it too much thought because I may have changed my mind as well. There is no way I could have eaten it raw, right there on the spot, as many ancient cultures did (and some still do). I know I could never tolerate it in a smoothie or a casserole as some people have done (just typing the word "smoothie" in a post about placentas is kind of making me throw up in my mouth a little). Having it in tiny little dried and packaged capsules was the perfect compromise for me. I know that encapsulating the placenta can take away some of the nutrients, but had my only option been to eat it as-is, I wouldn't have gotten any of the nutrients at all - ever.

My poor husband. He once told me the story of an old girlfriend of his who buried her placenta under a tree in the backyard. He thought that was very hippie, very hardcore. A few years later, he marries a girl who eats her. Oh, universe. Your sense of humor is impeccable.

The gal who encapsulated my placenta had very little to work with as my placenta was the tiniest placenta anyone had ever seen. It was even studied by various midwives and placenta experts, none of whom could explain the  tiny size or the fact that it was in perfect health, despite Bennett being full-term. Either way, the fact that there was so little of it to be encapsulated didn't really matter because I never found myself in need of it, though I ate most of it anyways, on principle. I had paid to have it encapsulated, after all, and I was not going to waste my money or my placenta (it was tasteless and odorless in the capsule form). The time that I really could have used it the most was when Bennett was in the NICU and my milk was not coming in. Unfortunately, I was too out of it to think of getting it at that point and didn't have it available to me until after we left the hospital. I wonder if things would have gone differently in terms of milk supply if I had had right away instead of waiting those ten days. Though I never needed to use it for PPD, I am thankful that I had it with me if a need arose. It made me feel good, knowing it was there.

It still makes me feel good when I see it in my freezer or on my bathroom shelf. It's a part of me, a part of Bennett. A part of my transformation into being a mother. I'm not ready to let go of it yet.

Switching to (gasp!) disposable diapers (I'm a natural parent, but...)

As most of you know, I don't participate in blog carnivals (mainly because I can't seem to write on a deadline if my life depended on it), although I did participate in World Miksharing Week (and rather enjoyed it!) that was hosted by my friend in real life (and milk donor mama), Amy. This week's blog carnival at the NPN (Natural Parents Network) is titled "I'm A Natural Parent, But..." and really appealed to me , because I felt like it was about being real, warts and all. True to form (and due to B and I being sick), I did not get a submission turned in on time, but I did want to write a post that falls in line with that theme.

Though I consider myself a natural parent in nearly every way (from where we chose to birth our son, our choices regarding his health and care, how we sleep, what we eat, how we live, how we parent...) there is one are that I feel like I've gone extremely far in the opposite direction: the issue of diapering. Sometimes our current choice to switch to disposables bugs me, and other times, I feel totally okay with it.

For the first year of Bennett's life, we practiced Elimination Communication (EC) and we cloth diapered. This worked out beautifully for us, for the most part. Because Bennett was (and still is) so long and skinny, we had a heck of a time finding a good cloth diaper that consistently fit his tiny little tushie and that managed to keep poopers inside the diaper (instead of just inside his pants). Every time he pooped in a diaper, a full outfit change was required, and it didn't matter what sorts of diapers or covers we tried. Some protected better than others, but all of them managed to leak through his tiny leg holes. Motivated by my desire to be as natural as possible with Bennett, and by a desire to not do literal crap-loads of laundry every day, we focused on EC exclusively with great success. The fact that his cloth diapers didn't fit perfectly became a non-issue because he pretty much never soiled his diaper. By 11 months old, Bennett made all of his poops in the potty chair and most of his pees. It was invigorating! I felt like such a success in this area, and it was an area that was really important to me, so high-five to self, right?

Between Bennett's 11th and 13th months, we were on the road almost the entire time. We spent a month in Montana awaiting the home birth of my sister's little babe, Ziah (so I could be sure to be there as her doula). We then took several trips to the Midwest to be with Cam's family. Simultaneously, Bennett was growing up quite a bit and was learning to have his own preferences (and learning how to be vocal about them), and so little by little, he began going potty in his diapers more, first out of convenience (for me) and then out of preference (for him). I struggled with this transition, but being on the road as much as we were took the decision almost entirely out of my hands, and so I (temporarily, I thought) began using disposable diapers. My reasons were many: we were often in hotels or staying with family where laundry options weren't always available, we were flying a lot and needed to minimize the amount of stuff we were hauling around (and given Bennett's leakage problem, cloth diapering required a lot of extra clothes and diapers), and I was busy juggling a lot of things at once and didn't have the extra time to soak and care for the diapers, so they began stinking and staining more than I was happy with.

Though I felt guilty putting him in disposables at first, man, it was so easy! We found very natural diapers that didn't both his sensitive skin, he became leak-free (he could wear the same pair of pants for a couple days instead of several pairs of pants in one day), and it made it much easier for people other than me to help with his diaper changes.

One upside to (diapers) disposables:
overalls were out of the question with EC!

I always figured this (pottying in diapers) would be a temporary thing since I fully expected him to go back to EC once we were back in Portland and settled back into a routine. Bennett had other plans. He lost all interest in EC at about a year old. He actually began screaming when we would even attempt to put him in the potty. He is such an easy-going and content kid that our only real "issues" became centered around the theme of pottying, and this wasn't how I wanted to parent. I didn't want to fight with Bennett at all, but certainly not about this. I really value Bennett's choices and his autonomy (to a point, of course, as I am his parent and am ultimately responsible for his health and safety), and he was making the choice not to use the potty. As much as I still wanted him to use the potty, it wasn't worth the conflict and the negative interactions that were being produced as a result of my desire for him to potty in the potty.

Once it became clear that EC was going on the backburner for a time, I tried getting back into the swing of cloth diapering. Bennett had outgrown his cloth diapers and I had passed them down to my sister's baby. We tried a few different types of cloth diapers, some purchased and some borrowed by friends, and none of them worked. Even though he was getting bigger, he was mostly growing in length and his stick legs were still little leak factories. The amount of time and money I spent on trying different diapers and laundering multiple outfits a day became too much. At 14 months, I began using disposable diapers almost exclusively.

He's wearing courderoy and tye-dye...
maybe no one will notice he's in disposables.

When I made this decision, my first thought was: I suck. I suck because I actually had a fully potty-going baby and now he isn't anymore. I suck because I care about being natural and using cloth and I'm not doing it. But then, I just gave in. I gave in to the convenience of the disposable diapers. I gave in to the extra time I had to spend with Bennett because I wasn't dealing with the extra loads of laundry. I gave in to the ease of throwing diapers away and never having to think about them again.

I miss his chunky cloth diaper lumpy butt. I loathe the way disposables smell when there is pee in them. Some days I throw a diaper in the trash and I think of the waste I'm producing and I cringe a little. It is then that I have to remind myself that Bennett spent nearly a year of his life not creating any waste at all (not even laundry usage) because he was so great at EC, and I give myself a little leniency. We did our best. We are doing out best. He is getting to the age (19 months) of potty training, and is already more willing to be on his potty now. Maybe he will potty train soon. Maybe he won't. Maybe as he grows, we will make a shift back to cloth. Maybe not.

To me, part of being a natural parent is being aware of the needs of my baby (as well as my own needs), being willing to compromise for the sake of harmony in the home, and being in tune enough with us to know when maybe "the best way" isn't best for us, for right now. Bennett's needs are met, my needs are met, and we're all happy. I'd say that despite his buns not being cloaked in cloth, we're doing alright.

I'm on the radio (because my brother is)!

My brother (Luke)'s band, Marshall Catch, has been getting some radio time lately, even here in Oregon! That's really cool. It would be cool, but what makes it really cool is that I did vocals on one of their songs (because the studio that produced their EP was here in Portland)  and that song has been on the radio. Of course, no one knows it's me singing, but hey. I know it is. And now, you know it is too.

I am so proud of my brother's band. They have worked really hard to get to the point where their music is being heard outside of their local area, so this is a really giant accomplishment. Today I went to Triple A Radio and their song is what came up first. How cool is that?! If you want to give it a listen, go to http://www.triplearadio.com/ and you'll see their band's logo on the sidebar and their song will automatically start playing (at least it has been today... I'm sure there's a rotation, so if you go later in the week, it may not be their band featured; not sure). Turn up the volume and give it a listen! (The song I sing on is not the song that comes up automatically on the website, but it is on the radio and is called "These Times".) The EP for that is out on the streets as of last week (just to radio stations), so the guys (and their proud families) are pretty excited to see what comes of it. Stay tuned for the official nationwide release of the EP in March!

I have extra copies of their full (17 original song) album. Let me know if you would like a copy.

You can also find them on Facebook and "like" them if you feel so inclined, or listen to more of their songs there, including The USS Arizona song.

19 months going on 19

Today the little dude turns 19 months old. I haven't done the best job of documenting the last three months since I haven't been blogging as much, but Bennett has been doing so many things that I want to get down for the records.

Little mimicker in full outfit: ball, jersey, helmet.

My very favorite thing that Bennett does is to sign "I love you" to me. For this, he uses a made-up sign that Cam and I have used with each other for years. I taught it to Bennett as I was nursing him, and he has been signing it to me for about six months, usually when he is feeling really lovey and affectionate. A few times I have seen him signing it to his grandma or Nana as well, and I had to explain it to them, of course, because they just thought he was having some sort of facial spasm or something. It's really cute. I love that he is in tune with himself and his feelings enough to know to say "I love you" when he is feeling love feelings. He often tells me "I love you" while he is giggling because I am making him laugh, and this totally knocks me out. He equates laughter with goodness and when I am making him laugh, I think he recognizes it as an act of love on my part, and he recipricates with love. Ah, love. The kid steals my heart every day. (On the flipside of that, he will not tell me he loves me if he is hungry, upset, or if I am in the middle of changing his diaper...)

Post (self) tackle.

Physically, Bennett is pretty advanced. It only takes hanging out with the kid once to realize he has insanely incredible hand-eye coordination, balance, etc. (Or so we are told constantly be other people with kids). He can climb anything, balance on anything, throw anything (properly), and do any number of tasks (including getting dressed) while managing to keep a football or basketball in his hand the entire time. By the time he is two, an NFL linebacker won't be able to jar a ball from his tight little grip. His motor skills don't translate into his verbal skills, however, as the little dude still doesn't talk much. By 18 months, his cousin was speaking in full sentences (girls are typically much more verbally advanced than boys) and if you asked her how old she was, she would respond "I am one and a half." The beauty of these little ones though is how different they are. Zoralee could probably write a deposition, but throwing a ball, on purpose, in a particular direction is out of the question. We love these differences and we love to celebrate and encourage the kids in the things they are good at, and the things they enjoy. We don't feel the least bit stressed by his lack of talking. He seems to be right about where other kids his age are, with a few exceptions. I know that once he starts, he won't stop, so if we have a few more months of cute baby talkin', we're cool with that.

He gibberishes all day long, and he has probably said somewhere around 50 words, but we don't really count them as words he knows until he is using them on a regular basis. Know what I'm saying? So, if you say to him, "Bennett, say boat", he will say "boat" and he could point a boat out of a picture or book, but he'll most likely never say that word again (unless asked), so we wouldn't count that as one of his actual words. He has about a dozen or so words that he actually says on a regular basis: yeah, yes, no, mama, papa, nana, basketball, football, hoop, bath, milk, boob, shoe, candy, more (which he says in the cutest way ever), oh no, thank you, please, and a few others. Though he doesn't say a lot of other words on a regular basis, he has invented his own little signs for them, and so although he isn't super verbal, we usually know what he wants.

He knows all of the body parts, including penis, which he calls "dits", for some reason. When he needs to scratch is "area", but his diaper is in the way, he tells me "more dits" while pointing at it, and that is my cue to unsnap his onesie so he can access his manhood. Like I've said before, the kid is a hoot.

He is all boy. He loves to wrestle, fake punch, play sports, jam with a guitar and fake injuries. His favorite outfits are his football jersey (with a "helmet", which is one of Cam's winter beanies) or any of his t-shirts with a ball on them. He likes to wear his jersey everywhere. Here he is wearing his jersey to EJ's house for Lebanese food. I guess it was fitting since we were eating with Katy and she is the one who bought him the jersey. After dinner on this particular night, he wowed the girls with both his computer and football skills. Though he's a man's man, he can appreciate the alure of being in a room full of women.

He is all about sports and music. Mostly sports, but music plays a big role in his life too. He loves dancing. He loves to watch videos on TV or Youtube, but only if the video is something he can interact with. He isn't one to sit still (unless he is really tired), so if he is going to have the TV or computer on, he will be acting out whatever he sees them doing. If it's football, he does exactly what they're doing. If people are dancing, he tries to mimic their moves. If people are clapping or jumping or whatever, he's doing it too. If people are just sitting around doing nothing, he loses interest in that particular video and has learned how to shut off the TV or computer accordingly. He's only interested in action. If there isn't action, he's out of there. My mom joked the other day that "TV is Bennett's imaginary friend" and she's right. Because he interacts with it in this way, we have allowed him to watch more of it than we ever thought we would. He can definitely play on his own without it (and spends most of the day doing so), but he really enjoys having the inspiration of a sport or music going on in the background and so we accomodate that. If he ever becomes the kind of kid that just wants to vegetate in front of the screen, that will have to change, but for now it seems to be a great skill-building tool for him. He is very particular about what sport he wants to play and watch at any given moment. If he wants basketball, football simply won't do.

He has been perfecting the use of silverware over the past several months. He can now eat an entire container of yogurt with a spoon without spilling a drop. That is, if he is in the mood. If, instead, he is in a more playful mood, he will eat a few bites and smear the rest on himself as though it were lotion. Win some, lose some, right?

He loves brushing his teeth. He loves it so much that we actually have to stop each time with the promise of doing it again later. He uses a vibrating toothbrush, which makes it really fun for him. One downside is that if he sees anyone else brushing their teeth (whether in our house or on TV), he has to brush his again. All the brushing in the world isn't going to take away those sad little stains from his iron supplement though.

Doing what the pros do.

Bennett has a magic trick that he does all the time called "Where is your hand?" The other day, my girlfriend was over at the house with her little girl. While we were visiting, Bennett and Zoe were behind the couch and Zoe seemed confused by what Bennett was doing. We peaked over and I realized that Bennett was trying to show Zoe his magic trick. He had pulled his hand into his sleave and was sort of lightly smacking her with the empty sleave. He wanted her to say, "Oh no! Where is your hand?" so he could produce it dramatically and win her affections. I told Josie this and she coached Zoe. When Zoe said, "Where is your hand?" Bennett grinned from ear to ear, popped his hand out, and commenced laughing hysterically. Zoe was pretty non-plussed, but after they did the routine a few dozen times, I think it grew on her. That's the thing about Bennett -- he loves making people laugh, so much so that he doesn't like wearing short-sleaves (except for his jersey) because he isn't able to do his magic routine if the mood strikes.

Bennett is a laugh attack waiting to happen. He is always just one moment away from a laugh. A person just has to press the right button to unleash it.

He still loves baths (and all water), loves being outside, doesn't mind the rain, wind, sleet and hail if it means being outdoors, and loves his family. His favorite part of the newspaper is (you guessed it) the sport section, which he can stare at for insanely long periods of time. He doesn't like: taking medicine, being forced to come indoors after being outdoors, having the TV turned off if a game is still in progress, or being in the car without his favorite music.

I love him so much. Even a football to the side of the head as I am writing this post can't squelch that love. Nothing can. He is the bomb diggity of babies.

green smoothies and grapefruits

My last post was sort of a downer (I'm pretty fast and loose with the words "sort of", obviously). I wanted to post a little something about some of the more positive things that have been going on, despite feeling so crummy. This week I'm gonna do just that - post a few more positive posts. Because even though I haven't felt great, it seems like fun and great things are happening in our home every single day and I don't want to forget about them.

As most of you know, I started getting serious about getting back into my pre-baby shape about five weeks ago. I worked out for the first two of the five weeks, and felt amazing. I haven't been able to work out much for the past three weeks because of being so sick, but I have been eating really well and so I've continued to lose weight and feel better, all things considered. As of this morning, I am down 14lbs. That isn't amazing weight loss for five weeks, especially considering that I lost 7 of them in the first week, but I'm just thrilled that I've managed to lose seven more pounds (1.5 per week) even while being so sick and sedentary. I feel great about it. I was reintroduced to an old friend I hadn't seen in quite some time... my waistline! And I am fitting back into my old clothes. I know that once I am able to start working out (or even just going on long walks outdoors again), I will start shedding the rest of the weight more quickly.

I attribute the weight loss to two primary things: green smoothies and grapefruits.

"Hmmm... something doesn't
smell... quite... right... doh."

Green Smoothies. I have been religious about making green smoothies every day. We bought a juicer and hated it (it's a bitch to clean [not worth the mess], it's a huge waste of fruits and vegetables [we want all that fiber in our diets], and the juice was nasty-tasting). We have all been loving the green smoothies (me, Dave, Cam), which I make with our good ol' blender we have owned for years. I make them a bit different every day, but there are a few staples that are in all of them: spinach, pear, apple. Other ingredients that are usually in them, provided we don't run out, are blueberries (or sometimes frozen mixed berries), kale, collard greens, red chard and banana. We played around with some other vegetables (like rutabagas, beats, broccoli), but the nutritional value wasn't worth the way they ruined the smoothies, either in taste or texture. We also tried fresh green beans and sugar snap peas, but those (surprisingly) made the smoothies really gross, and those veggies are easy enough to eat fresh on their own anyways, so we basically stick to throwing things in the smoothies that we want to have in our diets but that we just don't enjoy eating (or don't take the time to eat everyday).

The rutabaga tutorial.

I have also learned that for something to become a regular and consistent part of my day, it has to be practical and easy to do. Smoothies are already a bit time-consuming (washing and preparing the fruits and veggies, cleaning the blender, etc.) so any time I can eliminate on unnecessarily difficult foods is a plus. For instance, I tried my hand at adding rutabagas, which was a fun learning experience (for a one-time thing), but ended up being not worth it. For starters, I had a really bad experience with my first rutabaga when I accidentally pooped my pants while preparing it. Wait... no, that's right. I didn't poop my pants, but I thought I had because rutabagas smell like poopy pants. Do you want to eat a smoothie that tastes like poopy pants? We didn't either. Secondly, I actually had to get on Youtube to watch a tutorial on how to even prepare one of those suckers. (The guy on Youtube said to expect an "unpleasant odor" when preparing them; he was an understater.)

On Saturdays or Sundays, I usually buy the fruits and veggies we'll need for the week. I had to go to three different markets to find one that carried all the vegetables I wanted to use (kale, collards, chard, and spinach) because they aren't all that common. Now I stick to that market so I can do all of my shopping in one place. On Sunday afternoons, I wash and dry all the vegetables and divide them up into 6-7 portions for the week. Each morning, I peel and cut the fruits I am using and add the pre-sorted vegetables into the blender and I'm done. After five weeks of doing this, I have a pretty good system down and it's working really well for us. The smoothies make us all feel great: energized, refreshed, invigorated, and a general sense that we are doing something really great for our bodies. We usually drink them in the mornings, but there have been a few days where we didn't, so I prepared them for dinners with roasted chicken breasts. It's kind of like having chicken and drinking a salad.

Grapefruits. Grapefruits are magical, simply magical. Any time in my life I have added them to my diet, I shed pounds. If I am wanting to trim off some extra weight, I can always do this by simply adding grapefruit to my diet. I eat at least one each day, sometimes two. I began eating grapefruits years ago because I loved how they tasted and made me feel. It has only been in the last several years that I fully understood the health benefits of grapefruits, which is awesome because I already loved (and craved) them. Here are a few of the benefits of the magical grapefruit:

1. Vitamin-C - which reduces the risk of cancers, cardiovascular disease and stroke.

2. Prevents Kidney Stones (by increasing your urinary PH value)

3. Weight Loss Booster (because of fat burning enzymes)

4. Super Charges Metabolism (especially when eaten within 2 hours of waking up)

5. Aids Liver in Detoxification of toxic compounds

6. Fights Prostate Cancer

7. Protects Against Lung Cancer

8. Lowers Cholesterol

He is signing "more" fruit. He wanted to taste
every single thing I was preparing.

There are so many more benefits that Grapefruits provide. I could go on and on. I find that they make me feel full (which most fruit doesn't) and because they have a very low sugar content (unlike many fruits) they don't cause blood sugar spikes and drops (which I struggle with). Grapefruits fulfill cravings for sweet things (for me, at least) and give me instant energy. Not only do they provide me with an instant boost, but they now fill at least two different snack times during the day that may normally be filled with other foods that my body doesn't need. I mix it up by eating different kinds of grapefruits, but honestly, I love them all and so does Bennett. (He calls them "Gayfood" -- he doesn't quite have his "R's" down.) They are one of those fruits that, for many, has to "grow" on you. They may seem too bitter or boring at first if you don't have a natural desire for them. Giving them a chance to grow on you is totally worth it though, as very few foods can do for your body what a grapefruit does.

I am beginning to feel like I am coming out from under this ear infection. And even if it takes a couple more weeks, as the doctor thinks it will, I feel good knowing that, in the meantime, my body is being filled with goodness every single day to help fight these infections and to restore the good nutrients that it needs to thrive and be healthy.

blurgity blurgh blurghs

I am currently on like day, I don't know...29?... of being sick with this damned ear infection, even though I have completed two rounds of insanely heavy duty antibiotics. And friends, it's getting me down a bit. I feel so exhausted, totally wiped out. And that general feeling of crappiness is coinciding with a really gray and rainy spell of horrible Pacific Northwest blaggity blagh weather. When I need that ol' sunshine the most, he's no where to be found. I think I am going to head back in to see the ol' Doc on Monday and have him see if there's any chance I have something other than this ear infection. He did say it was nasty, and he did say to expect to feel crummy for another three or four weeks, but this is nuts. I just can't believe that a tiny little ear infection could make me feel this lousy for this long.

I think that the reason I'm a bit more anxious about this than most things is because a doctor once missed a run-of-the-mill ear infection and my right ear drum exploded (yes, exploded) and I had to have a major operation to replace the ear-drum and it was the worst experience of my life. I'm no stranger to surgeries or being sick, but ear stuff is really whack because it's in your head and it affects everything. After my last ear surgery, I had to crawl (usually puking as I went) to and from the bed and the bathroom of my little studio apartment. It was so bad that my boyfriend at the time had to even crawl beside me, holding a puke bucket as I crawled along. I'm talking all-time low, folks. I am terrified something like that will happen again.

And I'm terrified of losing an ear. Over these past few weeks, my sense of hearing is really skewed. I can't always tell where sounds are coming from or exactly what people are saying. My own voice sounds really loud in my head, but everyone else's voice sounds distant and a bit under water. It just sucks. After my first surgery, my hearing was totally restored and I actually have had insanely sharp hearing since then. Losing that sense is really messing me up, especially in terms of music and pitch and vocal confidence and everything else that goes along with hearing. It sounds weird, but I even feel like my hearing troubles are affecting my sight, which doesn't make sense, but that's the way it feels. It just kind of feels like my entire head isn't working properly.

My parents came to town for a college reunion and stayed with us for nearly a week. That was really nice. I got to sleep in a few times and we got a lot of family time together. And of course, Bennett was in heaven with the extra attention that only a set of grandparents can provide. I was so wiped out for most of the time. I managed to keep the house in order and cook meals... and that's about it. I didn't even take many photos. If'n ever there's a sure-fire sign that I am sick, it's if I fail to take a lot of pictures. But here's a cute one of my mom with Bennett. It's just the best, isn't it?

 This was actually just going to be a quick few-sentence post about feeling too crappy to blog, but look at that! I blogged afterall. A beautiful, long-winded, anxious blog full of complaint and worry. You're welcome.

Anyone know any good jokes?

the kid has balls (a Valentines Day story)

I'm going to tell you a Valentines Day story. But before I do that, let me first give you a little peak into our daily lives. Life at the Clear house is divided up like this:

Time spent with balls: 80%
Time spent with everything else, including sleep: 20%

This is something that we've accepted. It is what it is. It is all we know.

This is what it looks like around our house every single day:

Every ball has a particular purpose, and Bennett knows what the purpose is. Basketballs are for hoopin', baseballs are for batting, soccer balls are for kicking, footballs are for practicing fake tackle maneuvers and throwing unforeseen balls with incredible accuracy directly at unsuspecting people's midsections. You get the idea. Other toys are fun too, and they're great for playing, but balls are serious business. Balls are about skill, passion, hard work and focus.

Fast forward to yesterday.

By February 14th, Bennett had received cards and packages from a fairly length list of people: Grandma Rena, Grandma Nancy, Great-Grandma Ella Louise, Great Aunt Melody, Great Aunt Connie. They started trickling in over the weekend, and we didn't fully realize just how much loot Bennett had acquired until the morning of Valentines Day when we laid it all out on the table for him to open during breakfast.

The kid scored big. He made a sweet $15, in addition to stickers, crayons, a car, and some fruit snacks. As he opened his stuff -- all these tiny and adorable little gifts of love -- it occurred to me that there was one gift that was obviously missing: a gift from the little dude's mom and dad. We suck. We suck so hard that there needs to be a new word invented for how bad we suck. We don't just suck because we didn't get Bennett some new little possession to add to the collection; it isn't about that. We suck because, were it not for all of our awesome relatives, the entire holiday would have come and gone and Bennett wouldn't have even known about it. And that's our job, especially mine as a mama: to make holidays special.  (And I know what some of ya'll are thinking, but this really isn't about Valentines Day as much as it's just about the principal of the thing.)

When Cam came home, I informed him of our failure, and we decided that on our way to dinner, we should do something special for B. We decided we'd take him to the toy store and let him spend his holiday money on whatever we wanted, and we'd throw in some cash too, so he could get something big, something really special. Something that would make us think of this day, and of how much we love him. Because we've been so broke for most of Bennett's life, we've never really bought him much of anything (and all in all, we're mostly fine with that, because we don't want a house full of crap, and we already know he has everything he needs, and more). We decided that this holiday would be different though and we wanted to make it memorable for him and for us.

He loved the toy store. He went bonkers, running from aisle to aisle wildly, his little brain on complete overload, his little legs just trying to keep up with his own uncontrollable toy-energy.

 Rounding the corner at warp-speed...

He took a few minutes to check out some sweet rides (way out of the price-range, but he didn't know that):

He took a few test-drives. He was fairly non-plussed:

We spent about an hour cruising the entire store. He played pianos and guitars. He played with entire train sets, complete with bridges and tunnels and bells and whistles and lights. He sat in recliners just his size. He squished stuffed animals. He rode on tricycles. He skated on skateboards. Basically, he experienced the best of what the toy industry had to offer.

And then he saw this:

And he did this (with every single ball):

And when we tried to encourage him away from the ball section, his heart broke and he began to sob. This was our second time at sucking that day, and we weren't going to double-suck in one day. Though Cam and I had excitedly decided on a sweet car that was on sale for $49.99, Bennett's heart longed for something else.

(Long pause as we scratched our heads and altered between crying and laughing at what we were about ready to purchase.)

As we put Bennett in his car-seat and he gleefully hugged his new present close to his chest, we marvelled at how much money we had saved, and how much time we had spent, and how excited he was, only to come home with...

...another ball: $5.99.

And this, friends, is the true meaning of Valentines Day.

As we reflect on our time spent with Bennett in the toy store and the holiday of Valentines Day, and what it represents, it is clear to us that without even meaning to, we witnessed a great, true, pure and innocent love: the love of a boy and his balls.

sports fanatic

I am still way too sick to muster up the energy to blog (Doc. said to expect at least a month before this infection dies down and I feel better.) So. For this post, I am relying on the photos taken by the lovely Christi of Camp Kurtz when Bennett and I spent last weekend with her family down in Salem. She has three boys (we all know how Bennett loves big kids) and they play sports. Enough said, right? He was in heaven down there, playing basketball, football, shooting hoops, wrestling, and just being in the presence of big kids. And Christi takes the best photos. The best. It really doesn't matter what she takes photos of. If she takes them, they will rock. And these do.

Bennett and Caden

Watching Max's game, it nearly killed him to have to sit on the sidelines.

 As you can see, he takes sports very seriously.
(This is his "I'm terrified a big kid will try to play with this ball" face.)

Very seriously.

 When sports are paused, there's always time for a quick finger in the eye.

 He has since had a haircut. Thankfully.

Thanks, Kurtz family, for the great day and the wonderful photos!

first official Vlog (video blog)

Hey friends, I am sick. And tired. (Exhausted actually). I want to blog and write and connect and all that fun stuff, but I am just too wiped out. So, I put together my first ever Vlog (that's the fancy pants way of saying video blog) and, well, here it is. (I will say right here that there is no big announcement, I am not pregnant, there is no real exciting or titillating news. It's just a way for me to post and connect without having to write. So watch if you want to hear what's going on in our lives regarding job, home, Bennett, being sick, more dreadlock judgmentalism, etc.) I apologize that my lips aren't quite moving with the words I'm saying. Just don't think about it too much and it won't drive you mad. I also realized (way too late) that I was on the vertical setting, so the screen is small, which means that, unfortunately, I can't fill up your entire monitor with my face. Huge bummer. Live n' learn. So, with no further ado...



And since I promised to post a "before" picture of my dreads, here it is! Can you believe it? Keep in mind that I never actually wore my hair down (since Bennett) so it rarely (if ever) actually looked this kick-ass.

February 3, 2011

Thanks for listening, friends! xoxo

blogging troubles and other such nonsense

 This has been a crazy week and once again, blogging has had to take a back-seat. But dangit, I have so much to say. Bennett turned 18 months and has been practically sprinting over various milestones. I really want to share those (because some of them are damn hilarious, such as waking on his 18th month birthday, opening his eyes, and saying "Football" [he is currently obsessed with football] before running into the living room, grabbing his football and pointing at the TV in hopes that a game was on at 6am). And at the end of my first 10 days of working out I've lost 9lbs already. Woot. And we've been making Green Smoothies (with mixed reviews, depending on who you ask) and I want to share about that. And we bought a Juiceman but haven't used it yet. And Cam is out of town (again), this time in Florida for a work conference (having a husband gone a lot is hard work, because that means days on end with little or no real break). And everyone in our house is sick (except me, but I can feel it coming on) and Bennett has a double-ear-infection in addition to this nasty cold going around. So we aren't sleeping (me and B), ever. And when we are awake, we are focused on trying to find things to enjoy (for B) to distract him from the pain and agony that is currently his state of being.

And when I do get online, I get sucked in to other people's blogs and don't end up posting any of my own. Reading takes no energy, posting takes lots. Energy is in short supply around here.

Aaaalso, Bennett is addicted to watching "OK GO" videos on Youtube, so if he ever even catches a whiff of the laptop, he's all over that. (His favorite video is posted below, and I suggest that you watch it. It's a real feel-gooder. Man, those guys make the best videos.)
And so, you see, these are just a few of the reasons that I haven't had time to blog.

But!

I will in the next few days. I can just feel it. I can.



p.s. I've received a few emails that people get a blank screen when they are trying to comment, but yet I am getting some comments so it seems to be a problem affecting some people and not others. Weird. If anyone has a solution, I'd love to hear it.

fitness in 2012: juicing, jogging and jiggling

Warning: If you aren't prone to enjoying listening to a woman go on and on about her weight and what she's doing to change it, I suggest you stop a'reading. If, however, you are looking for some motivation of your own or you have some motivation to spare (by giving it to me!) then please read on.

-------------------------------------------------------------

I am resolved to getting in shape this year. You may remember that last year, I resolved (in a way) to not getting into shape, or at least to not worry about it. I wanted my focus to be breastfeeding (doing nothing to decrease or limit my supply) and spending every waking moment enjoying Bennett and not obsessing over my body. So, for better or worse, that is what I did. And I did enjoy (nearly) every waking minute with the little dude, but here I am in 2012 with a body that now requires a lot of extra attention.

Motivation Factor #2,483: looking chubby while
singing in public at a bar in my hometown in
Whitefish. Not cool, self. Not cool.

For me, getting in shape has a lot to do with how I look, but it's also a matter of practicality (owning a lot of smaller clothing and not wanting to buy new ones), and it's about how I feel. Pesky feelings -- they simply won't allow me to wallow in my own chubby laziness any more. Go figure. My brother says that when I talk about my weight (especially to him, since he's my in-house personal trainer), if a person didn't know me, they would think I was 300lbs. He laughs when I say the "weight is weighing me down in the night and giving me a back-ache". But in my mind, I may as well be 300lbs because my body feels as slow and weak and un-useful as I imagine a 300lb person feels. Though I am only carrying about 30lbs of extra weight, those thirty pounds affect my back, my joints, my knees, my stamina for keeping up with Bennett, my ability to embrace my own body as a sexual and vibrant being, and my motivation to get enough physical fitness for Bennett. Those are some pretty darn compelling reasons to shed this extra weight.

In addition to how my weight makes me feel, being healthy in general is a really big issue for Cam and I right now. Cam has a long family history of somewhat short lifespans. He lost all but one of his grandparents at a relatively young(er) age. His father's stroke last year was a huge wake-up call (for him personally), but it's also really opened his eyes to what his future (and ours, and Bennett's) will look like in terms of relatives. Basically, Bennett won't have many relatives at all on Cam's side of the family. This makes Cam incredibly stressed and sad. We have accepted the realization that due to a combination of genetics and personal life choices, Bennett may never get to know some of the most important people in his life unless some changes take place. Though we can't control others, we can control ourselves, and we are determined to be here for Bennett (and for Bennett's children) for the long-haul.

With obesity and obesity-related illnesses being the leading cause of death in our nation, letting our weight and our health go unchecked isn't simply a matter of personal choice (as many people like to think it is). We are parents now. Our health isn't just about us anymore. I should say here that it isn't as though we haven't taken our health seriously. We are both relatively active, we get outside, we cook meals at home and try to get a fair bit of nutrients, but we've also succumbed (more times than we would like to admit) to the god of convenience and giving in to our own cravings and impulses instead of having the resolve to look at the big picture. And at this stage in our life, the big picture is the picture and we simply can't let ourselves lose sight of it.

For both of us, this looks very different. Cam has always been way more active than me (this could be because he loves every sport imaginable and he loves his guy-time) but I have always been a much healthier eater. Cam had given up soda almost entirely before we moved last April, but with it being readily available here, he has started drinking it again and one of his goals is to cut that habit completely, which I am extremely thankful for. Knowing his family history, I used to feel panic welling up inside of me every single time I watched him chugging a Diet Coke. That may sound extreme, but I don't want to be widowed at 40 any more than the next gal (not saying that soda leaves a person widowed, but cumulative unhealthy choices do, soda being one of them). I am so thankful that Cam cares about this as much as I do. This isn't something we have to argue about (thankfully) and he takes it upon himself to stay very active (which motivates me to be more active) and I take it upon myself to cook healthy meals for both of us (which motivates him to eat healthy). In this way, we are becoming a perfect partnership, which I am also very thankful for.

(Yes, he takes either a football or basketball
with him on walks. It helps him survive being
strapped in against his will.)

The first step to getting in shape (for me) was to purchase a jogging stroller. I did not want to use (or even own) a stroller until Bennett was at least a year old, because I wanted to wear him as much as possible and because I find strollers to be a huge pain in the butt. At nearly 18 months old now, Bennett is way too big to baby-wear for long walks or jogs, so a stroller finally became necessary. He still doesn't quite love sitting in a stroller when we're outside, but if I jog fast enough and/or narrate every single thing we are seeing while we're out, he stays fairly entertained. We have been outside on a several mile walk or a vigorous jog every single day since we got the stroller, which I consider a huge feat since it's been freezing and snowing here.

We purchased the Graco Trekko. I was going for cheap n' easy, and this one has proven to be perfect for us. I can jog up and over curbs with this sucker and it doesn't even phase it. I love it. Cam learned the hard way that if you try to run backwards and jump a curve, it will tip. But hey, I think we all (except Cam) saw that one coming, am I right?

A big part of fitness for both of us this year is about adding to our diets. That's right, we are subtracting pounds by adding way more fruits and vegetables to our diets. I have a list of foods that I am incorporating into my diet on a daily basis. I am limiting useless carbs (though I still get several whole grains a day and fruits), but other than that, my "diet" consists of adding things. I find that if I eat the foods (all of them) that are set aside for the day, I don't have room in my tummy or the desire to eat anything else. By default then, I'm only getting good stuff, I'm full and satisfied, and there wouldn't be room for much bad stuff even if I tried to shove it in there. It's a really hard adjustment getting used to going without a lot of the fluffy filling comfort foods that I love, but the way I am feeling (and the inches I am losing on my waistline) more than makes up for it.

The non-Youtube sensation of "planking"

In addition to walking or jogging every day, I am doing major ab-work (thanks to my brother and his gentle prodding) and arm and booty work-outs inside the house. Have any of ya'll done much "planking"? (Not that kind of planking...) That shizzle is really hardcore. At first, I could only do 10 seconds without stopping. (That could be because the last time my abs got a good workout, I was giving birth.) Now, in just a few days of doing it, I am doing 30-second intervals, and am doing five full minutes a day of ab-planking. I'm all for simple and easy exercises. It doesn't get much simpler than planking. My tummy is smaller, my back feels stronger, my shoulders are getting hella strong, and I haven't been waking in the night with sore back or hips since I started doing it.

So, I'm not doing a strict diet, and I'm not working out super vigorously yet, but even so, I am already down 7lbs since I started about 10 days ago. My energy level is through the roof and I feel lighter and sexier, even though I probably look almost the exact same. Feeling better is half the battle though, right? My goal is to lose roughly 30lbs by the end of April, when we will be going on vacation to a friend's wedding.

And speaking of losing mega-weight, last night Cam and David and I watched the documentary "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead" (after my sister's husband, Jason, suggested it). I highly recommend it as both informative and a great inspirational and motivational tool. Fair warning though... be prepared to want to go straight to the store to buy a juicer if you don't already own one.  We are going to buy a new juicer and make a big ol' pot of juice each morning for all of us to share. We figure that misery loves company, and if the juice turns out to be nasty (which it kind of is) then at least we'll all be chugging it together. I'm excited about it though, because getting enough fruit into my family is easy (we are all major fruit-addicts), but getting enough vegetables is nearly impossible and it's something I feel is really detrimental to our health. Once the juicer arrives, I'll let you know how it all turns out.

I would love to hear some health goals and/or tidbits of wisdom that you guys have found to work for you. I am not really interested in extreme diets or fasts right now; I just want real-life, day-to-day, practical ways of living that make for a healthier body. Got any?

friending it up at Beaterville

Every year I like to select a focus for the year. I guess that in some ways, my focus includes various resolutions of sort, but it's more about being intentional and really doing things on purpose, and with purpose, instead of letting life just happen to me. This year, my focus is my family, my friendships, and my fitness.

My fitness goals and approach are a post all their own, and family, well, that's an ongoing daily focus.

This morning some of my girlfriends and I began the year with the first of many (to come) Sunday brunches. My friendships have always been one of the most important aspects of my life. My friendships are my family in so many ways. This particular group of friends has all been together collectively for eight or so years, but I have known some of the girls for nearly thirteen years. Whether we see each other weekly or if we get so busy that months pass before we are able to connect, we can pick up where we left off. And always, no matter what, there is laughter and love and support. This group of girls is one of the few friend groups I have ever had where I feel like I can be wholly myself, no matter what that looks like. These girls have seen me at my best, forgiven me for my worst, and I love them.

They are wise...

...and smart... 

...and hilarious...

...and compassionate...

(Stacy is back there, I promise)

And because there are five of us, we got this cool window table and didn't have to wait as long.

Each one of these girls share all of these qualities and more and I never feel insecure or weak or judged when I am with them. We don't share all of the same beliefs or experiences or worldviews, but we share a deep respect for grace and community. I feel like me -- like a happy, laughing, smiling me -- when I am with them.

First attempt at a group photo:

(... a little too zoomed in...)



Second attempt at a group photo:

Success.

 

This is a year of really big change for a lot of us, but (for me, at least) there is something so comforting about being around long-term friends like these girls. Investing in myself means investing in my friendships because my life is enriched in innumerable ways because of them.

To these friends and all friends, those close and those far away, those past and those present - I hope that 2012 is a year filled with blessed friendships.