World Milksharing Week (tales from a recipient)

It is World Milksharing Week!

In the final months leading up to my son's birth, I had done quite a bit of extensive research on breastfeeding. As a doula and a natural childbirth advocate, breastfeeding has always gone hand in hand with those ideals, and there was never any question that I would breastfeed my son. As my pregnancy progressed, I had a bizarre intuition that my milk-flow would be a problem. I can't say why I had this feeling, because my mother, aunts, grandmothers, and sister had all breastfed without a hitch. My breasts had not grown much, the coloring hadn't changed, there was no leakage, and I was unable to hand express colostrum. I was reassured by friends, family, and my midwife that all would most likely work out well and that my body would do what it was meant to do when the time was right. Even so, I was anxious enough about my future milk supply and the fear of even potentially needing to use formula, that I stipulated in my birth plan that I would like Bennett to receive milk from my sister or my good friend Amy if any problems should arise with my own milk supply. I also insisted that should I be incapacitated for any reason, my sister be allowed to nurse him. 

Breastfeeding Bennett on Day #2.



Bennett's birth happened at home -- peacefully, beautifully, and more magically than I ever could have imagined. Within moments of his passage earth-side, he latched on and was nursing. He continued to do this non-stop for the first two days of his life. It was, in a word, blissful. He was healthy and active and colorful and perfect. He was peeing and pooping right on schedule. By his third day, however, Bennett had dropped a significant amount of weigh, which quickly became terrifying because he was not quite 5lbs at birth and had very little reserve. In the early morning, he became still, and although I cannot explain why, I knew instinctively that he was having a blood sugar crash. My sister tried to nurse him, but he was too weak. My husband rushed to Amy's house, where she had colostrum on hand in her freezer. He stormed through the front door with that life-saving goodness, and as my parents, my sister, and my brother stood around our bed praying fervently, we syringed as much as we could into his tiny mouth. His color quickly came back for a short time, as we gathered our things and consulted both our midwife and pediatrician once again on the phone.

In another terrifying moment, Bennett's lips turned blue before our eyes and we knew that we were losing him. I held him to my chest in the backseat of the car, and at the instruction of both of our health care providers, we went straight to Emanuel Children's Hospital. The doctors said that the colostrum I had given him at home could have saved his life. It was not enough to bring him back completely, but it made a huge difference in his sugar levels during a very crucial time.

What was happening, we later learned, is that I was not producing anything. No colostrum. No milk. Nothing. Though Bennett was diligently sucking, nothing was happening. The hospital informed us that he would be staying in the NICU for at least a week and that he would be given formula through a tube. This was unacceptable to me. I knew how negatively formula impacts infants, specifically infants with low birth weight. Fortunately, we live in a very pro-breastfeeding city and we were at the most pro-breastfeeding hospital in that city. They offered us donor milk through the tube, but said that it was very expensive and the cost was usually prohibitive. I didn't care. I knew that no cost could possibly be more than the value of my child's health. Bennett did receive human donor milk during his entire stay in the NICU. The total cost (of the milk alone) came out to $7,600, for nine days worth of milk. We will be paying for that milk for at least another year. Totally worth it.

Throughout our entire stay in the hospital, I was with Bennett the entire time and nursed him as often as they would allow (every three hours, including night times) for the entire nine days. My milk did begin flowing, but it was very slow and insubstantial. Though I knew I wasn't yet giving him all that he needed nutritionally, the bonding time we shared through nursing during those first few weeks still had an immeasurable impact on both of us. When we got home from the hospital, Amy had graciously offered to donate her oversupply to us, as much as we needed. This is a gift for which we will be forever in debt. With the use of herbs, diet, Domperidone, pumping and constant nursing, I was slowly able to increase my supply while supplementing Amy's milk as well.

Amy donated her milk to us for nearly six months. Because she was a nurse, a fellow mama, a health-conscious person and a good friend, I wholly trusted her milk. Our milk-sharing arrangement was made easier and simpler by the fact that we were friends. We liked to spend time together when we could, and we usually talked or texted every day, so it was easy to incorporate milk discussions into our friendship. For us, this aspect of the sharing process was fairly simple (though I know the pumping and storing and transporting was a much greater responsibility on her). If they came for dinner, they usually had a small cooler pouch of milk in tow! If we went there, they sent us home with a bag full. I never took a single bag that I didn't feel deeply, eternally grateful for. She was literally giving life and health to my son, and peace of mind to me.

First month breastfeeding exclusively
 after 6 months of milk-sharing!

As a new mother (sore, exhausted, and run-down from caring for a now weak and sick child) and a last-minute, unexpected recipient of donor milk, I had no idea how to tread the waters of milk-sharing. It was completely uncharted territory, and I had never known anyone else who had done it before. It wasn't as though I could call up a girlfriend and ask her what her arrangement was with her baby's milk mama. There were times when I was getting low on donor milk, and I felt a bit awkward asking for more. Amy always made me feel very comfortable though and made it clear that she was delighted and honored to care for us in this way. We had a lot of positive support during this time. Though most of the people in my life were supportive, we did face a fair amount of scepticism over our choice to use donor milk, as opposed to formula. No amount of scepticism ever made me waiver in my decision, however, and Bennett's daily growth was a sign that this was working. We were doing the right thing. Within a few months, he caught up in weight to all of our friend's babies, most of whom were at least 2.5-3lbs larger than him at birth. There was never any question in our minds that milk-sharing was a life-saver for us.

In January, my milk simply picked way up in volume, right around the time when Amy was going to be pumping less. It was perfect timing. Our milk-sharing relationship came to a very natural end. Since then, I was able to breastfeed Bennett exclusively. He now eats food as well, but at fourteen months still breastfeeds avidly as his primary form of nutrition.

My experience as a milk-sharing recipient could not have been better. To read about the experience from the other side (a donor), you can check out Amy's post on her blog. She has some great ideas and advice for mamas who might also like to donate their milk. My advice to any mama who is struggling with a low supply (or other breastfeeding issues) is: don't give up. If breastfeeding your little one is difficult, don't give up. If it is impossible, consider using a donor. I would do it again in a heartbeat.

For even more posts on World Milksharing Week, visit Mothers of Change!