Switching to (gasp!) disposable diapers (I'm a natural parent, but...)

As most of you know, I don't participate in blog carnivals (mainly because I can't seem to write on a deadline if my life depended on it), although I did participate in World Miksharing Week (and rather enjoyed it!) that was hosted by my friend in real life (and milk donor mama), Amy. This week's blog carnival at the NPN (Natural Parents Network) is titled "I'm A Natural Parent, But..." and really appealed to me , because I felt like it was about being real, warts and all. True to form (and due to B and I being sick), I did not get a submission turned in on time, but I did want to write a post that falls in line with that theme.

Though I consider myself a natural parent in nearly every way (from where we chose to birth our son, our choices regarding his health and care, how we sleep, what we eat, how we live, how we parent...) there is one are that I feel like I've gone extremely far in the opposite direction: the issue of diapering. Sometimes our current choice to switch to disposables bugs me, and other times, I feel totally okay with it.

For the first year of Bennett's life, we practiced Elimination Communication (EC) and we cloth diapered. This worked out beautifully for us, for the most part. Because Bennett was (and still is) so long and skinny, we had a heck of a time finding a good cloth diaper that consistently fit his tiny little tushie and that managed to keep poopers inside the diaper (instead of just inside his pants). Every time he pooped in a diaper, a full outfit change was required, and it didn't matter what sorts of diapers or covers we tried. Some protected better than others, but all of them managed to leak through his tiny leg holes. Motivated by my desire to be as natural as possible with Bennett, and by a desire to not do literal crap-loads of laundry every day, we focused on EC exclusively with great success. The fact that his cloth diapers didn't fit perfectly became a non-issue because he pretty much never soiled his diaper. By 11 months old, Bennett made all of his poops in the potty chair and most of his pees. It was invigorating! I felt like such a success in this area, and it was an area that was really important to me, so high-five to self, right?

Between Bennett's 11th and 13th months, we were on the road almost the entire time. We spent a month in Montana awaiting the home birth of my sister's little babe, Ziah (so I could be sure to be there as her doula). We then took several trips to the Midwest to be with Cam's family. Simultaneously, Bennett was growing up quite a bit and was learning to have his own preferences (and learning how to be vocal about them), and so little by little, he began going potty in his diapers more, first out of convenience (for me) and then out of preference (for him). I struggled with this transition, but being on the road as much as we were took the decision almost entirely out of my hands, and so I (temporarily, I thought) began using disposable diapers. My reasons were many: we were often in hotels or staying with family where laundry options weren't always available, we were flying a lot and needed to minimize the amount of stuff we were hauling around (and given Bennett's leakage problem, cloth diapering required a lot of extra clothes and diapers), and I was busy juggling a lot of things at once and didn't have the extra time to soak and care for the diapers, so they began stinking and staining more than I was happy with.

Though I felt guilty putting him in disposables at first, man, it was so easy! We found very natural diapers that didn't both his sensitive skin, he became leak-free (he could wear the same pair of pants for a couple days instead of several pairs of pants in one day), and it made it much easier for people other than me to help with his diaper changes.

One upside to (diapers) disposables:
overalls were out of the question with EC!

I always figured this (pottying in diapers) would be a temporary thing since I fully expected him to go back to EC once we were back in Portland and settled back into a routine. Bennett had other plans. He lost all interest in EC at about a year old. He actually began screaming when we would even attempt to put him in the potty. He is such an easy-going and content kid that our only real "issues" became centered around the theme of pottying, and this wasn't how I wanted to parent. I didn't want to fight with Bennett at all, but certainly not about this. I really value Bennett's choices and his autonomy (to a point, of course, as I am his parent and am ultimately responsible for his health and safety), and he was making the choice not to use the potty. As much as I still wanted him to use the potty, it wasn't worth the conflict and the negative interactions that were being produced as a result of my desire for him to potty in the potty.

Once it became clear that EC was going on the backburner for a time, I tried getting back into the swing of cloth diapering. Bennett had outgrown his cloth diapers and I had passed them down to my sister's baby. We tried a few different types of cloth diapers, some purchased and some borrowed by friends, and none of them worked. Even though he was getting bigger, he was mostly growing in length and his stick legs were still little leak factories. The amount of time and money I spent on trying different diapers and laundering multiple outfits a day became too much. At 14 months, I began using disposable diapers almost exclusively.

He's wearing courderoy and tye-dye...
maybe no one will notice he's in disposables.

When I made this decision, my first thought was: I suck. I suck because I actually had a fully potty-going baby and now he isn't anymore. I suck because I care about being natural and using cloth and I'm not doing it. But then, I just gave in. I gave in to the convenience of the disposable diapers. I gave in to the extra time I had to spend with Bennett because I wasn't dealing with the extra loads of laundry. I gave in to the ease of throwing diapers away and never having to think about them again.

I miss his chunky cloth diaper lumpy butt. I loathe the way disposables smell when there is pee in them. Some days I throw a diaper in the trash and I think of the waste I'm producing and I cringe a little. It is then that I have to remind myself that Bennett spent nearly a year of his life not creating any waste at all (not even laundry usage) because he was so great at EC, and I give myself a little leniency. We did our best. We are doing out best. He is getting to the age (19 months) of potty training, and is already more willing to be on his potty now. Maybe he will potty train soon. Maybe he won't. Maybe as he grows, we will make a shift back to cloth. Maybe not.

To me, part of being a natural parent is being aware of the needs of my baby (as well as my own needs), being willing to compromise for the sake of harmony in the home, and being in tune enough with us to know when maybe "the best way" isn't best for us, for right now. Bennett's needs are met, my needs are met, and we're all happy. I'd say that despite his buns not being cloaked in cloth, we're doing alright.